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“Why Don’t You Understand!?” Important Tips for Effective Communication During and After Divorce

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Nobody gets married intending to get divorced.  But it happens.  The shock, surprise, disappointment, and frustration at the end of a marriage are a perfect setup for a communication breakdown.  What can you do?

As a marriage ends, it is not often that either partner is having their best moment.  There could be blame, anger, or intense sadness as you look toward a future that is different than what you expected.  Recognizing the fundamental emotions at play is a good way to help you and your partner get through the transition ahead.  Consider these tips at any time during—or after—your divorce:

  • Keep it clean: Your emotions are justified, and so are those of your partner.  The divorce process is not the place to work them out.  It will drag out your divorce and potentially cost you a lot of money.  If there are children involved, it could be ruinous to their emotional health and future relationship happiness.
  • Speaking of children: If you have children, now is a good time to remember your partner will play a significant role in your life, and the lives of your children, for the foreseeable future. For the sake of your children, it is critical that you set boundaries, work hard not to disparage your co-parent, and get emotional or psychological support when needed.
  • Be a witness: Be a witness to your own life.  When you are angry, sad, or fearful, remember it is part of the process and your own feelings are valid.  The more awareness you can bring to the transition, the less those emotions will seep into the new ground you are trying to create for you and your family.
  • The nitty gritty: With luck, your partner may be willing to meet you half-way.  Realizing you are both hurting, but want to get through this, you can take stock of your wants and real needs and work out an agreement with the assistance of experienced divorce attorneys.  Both of you will likely lapse and maybe say things you regret.  Take responsibility for it and move forward.  If divorce turns into a battleground, no one wins.
  • A partner that just won’t quit: While some couples are able to work through divorce with a semblance of civility, frankly, some are not.  They may be interruptive, call or text too frequently, become angry, and a myriad of other poor behaviors.  Keep your sanity by setting boundaries.  Establish modes of communication—telephone calls may be too difficult, so use text or email.  If there are children, work with your attorney to develop a solid parenting plan, exchange children at a neutral location, and recognize triggering events so that you can avoid them.

Chronic drama increases the stress of divorce—take whatever measures are needed to keep emotions out of the process so that you and your partner can make necessary agreements and move forward with your lives.  Rely on your divorce attorney for legal advice and create an emotional support network to help you and your family through this difficult time.

  • Avoid social media: While social media helps you stay in touch with many people, steer clear during divorce.  Avoid making posts that could work against you in a divorce proceeding, and do not disparage or talk down your partner on any social media platform.  Reduce the stress of divorce by sharing with your personal network, not your social media network.

While every divorce is different, there are some things that are common to almost every divorce.  There are legal tasks to get done and emotions that deserve respect.  Take good care of yourself and work with a skilled divorce lawyer who can guide you toward the next chapter of your life.

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Experienced legal advice is important when you are making decisions about the future of your family. Call 410-602-9522 or contact the Law Offices of Allyson B. Goldscher when you have questions about separation, divorce, or other family law matters in Maryland.